And I thought college was difficult.
Honestly, I couldn't wait to get out of there. Some were personal reasons, but some of them were reasons that everyone in college can relate to. I mean, who wants to wake up for early morning classes, study for finals, or get a parking ticket for parking where security deems "inappropriate" for students? No one, that's who.
Except for me. 5 months out of college and I would gladly go to class, read a novel, write a 10 page paper, and I might actually pay my $20 parking ticket instead of trying to get out of it. I would even sit in a class with my least favorite teacher just so I could do homework. I swear.
Recently, I went pack to my recent alma mater and the advice I gave to my friends still attending was this: stay in college as long as you can. For many of my friends, they will take my advice to heart. But, mainly because they're going on to be doctors and vets and other things that you actually have to keep going to school for. A part of me wishes I was like them, able to keep going for good reason. But, here I am, debating on what I'm going to do with my life.
I graduated with a major in English and a minor in Psychology. So far, I have had multiple people ask me if I was going to be a teacher, what the heck I thought I was going to do with that, and someone even said that was the worst thing I could have ever spent my four years on. So, yeah, the real world is super nice.
I have applied for job after job, changed my resume countless times, applied in states I wasn't even sure I wanted to go to, and I have nothing to show for it. I had one phone interview for my dream internship and never had the second interview, most likely because I had already graduated. It has been some of the toughest months I have ever been through. It is partly my fault; I could take a job anywhere, working fast food or something equally as acceptable. But, after four years of college, I want more for myself. I want to do something I love and not let that degree go to waste. The only thing is, the "find-a-job-game" in the real world is not easy. Entry-level job? Please have three to five years of experience, get paid nothing, and also live in New York City on that wage. HA.
Five months later I have nothing to show for what I spent four years working so hard for. I know, people go way longer than that out here in the unemployment circuit, but it is so disheartening, so discouraging. My issues of anxiety and depression that I have worked endlessly to overcome are now back with a vengeance. I never believed the real world would be a piece of cake, but I did think that I would be successful in life. It's just more difficult to get your foot in the door to any building than I ever believed. No one wants to take a chance on someone, to be that person that opens their doors and gives them that experience companies so desperately want. And that may be the toughest lesson I've learned so far.
The advice I give to myself every day is to keep going, keep writing, and move forward. Lately, I've been considering going back to school for something else that may be easier to obtain a job in, or even going to graduate school for English or Creative Writing and see what I can do from there. But, I can't help thinking, do I want to go back because it's the only thing I've known my whole life, or do I want this and can it help me? I can't, I won't, compromise myself and what I love just to have a job. Whether I become a teacher, a writer, a magazine editor, or whatever else I feel like I want to do, I know that I can't give up quite yet. I'm only five months out. Heck , it may get a lot worse from here. But, I do know it also has to start getting a lot better at some point and that's what I'm holding out for.